PokemonAPI

Cubone

Ah, good ol' Cubone. For years, this little guy -- a member of the original 151 Pokemon -- was commonly regarded as the ultimate in terms of depressing origin stories

"it pines for the mother it will never see again. Seeing a likeness of its mother in the full moon, it cries. The stains on the skull it wears are from its tears. It wears its mother's skull, never revealing its true face".

it cries because it misses its mother. It misses its mother because she is dead. And even worse, in the original games, you can actually encounter the ghost of a Cubone's mother (a Marowak), that was killed by Team Rocket. Killed! By Team Rocket! Looks like someone didn't prepare for trouble. There is a bright side, though: By the time you level it up to Marowak, the Pokedex informs you that it "has grown tough by overcoming the grief of losing its mother. Its tempered and hardened spirit is not easily broken." Motivated and toughened up by the death of its mother? Hardened spirit? Dishes out savage beatings to others? Guys, that is basically Pokemon Batman.

Gengar

Gengar's no doubt a familiar face to long-time Pokéfans, with the ghost-type 'mon's huge, monstrous visage being one of the first you see in the title screen in Red and Blue, but what you might not realise is that Gengar actually used to be a human being.

"It apparently wishes for a traveling companion. Since it was once human itself, it tries to create one by taking the lives of other humans."

While at first glance that might seem sweet, as all Gengar wants is a bit of company, break it down and it's ethically horrifying. It used to be a human. It tries to take the lives of other humans. Now you keep it in bondage inside a tiny plastic ball for most of the day, and force it to compete in animal baiting. So much for manumission; in Kanto, human chattel are still very much a thing, it seems.

Spoink

I'll give you a break with something cute! Here is something cute that comes bundled with heartbreaking tragedy, we have Spoink, who appears to have been scientifically designed to have an Adorability Index of over 3,000 kilobuttons. Which of course means that it must be in constant mortal peril

"Spoink bounces around on its tail. The shock of its bouncing makes its heart pump. As a result, this Pokémon cannot afford to stop bouncing - if it stops, its heart will stop."

Holy crap, that is grim. It's even worse if you take into account that the object of the game is to battle these things until they faint, and unless it can bounce after getting blown into unconsciousness by a water cannon growing out of a giant turtle, every single battle ends with you straight up murdering it. It's a wonder Officer Jenny doesn't haul you off to be tried as an adult on sight.

Duskull

I'll say one thing for Duskull, you at least know what you're getting into with a skull-faced shroud, but if the Spring Pig was to much of a downer, you can imagine how this one goes

"Duskull can pass through any wall no matter how thick it may be. Once this Pokémon chooses a target, it will doggedly pursue the intended victim until the break of dawn. If it finds bad children who won't listen to their parents, it will spirit them away--or so it's said. It loves the crying of children."

Guys. For real. It loves the crying of children and can walk through walls to spirit them away to parts unknown. Even better, if you give it an item called the Reaper Cloth -- yes, the Reaper Cloth -- it turns into a cyclopean horror that hears radio signals from beyond the grave instructing it to abduct people and take them to the afterlife. Yeesh.

Banette

Any horror fan will know that a doll coming to life is a very bad sign. A doll coming to life that can hurl projectiles and has the literal power to curse and hex, that’s a reason to enter the Pokémon equivalent of the Witness Protection Program.

"Banette generates energy for laying strong curses by sticking pins into its own body. This Pokémon was originally a pitiful plush doll that was thrown away. It seeks the child that disowned it."

What the Pokedex is really telling you is that a discarded doll managed to animate itself through pure force of will, brought to life solely by vengeful malice. If his hateful eyes and zipper-toothed grin weren't terrifying enough, consider this tidbit from Pokemon Ruby: "BANETTE generates energy for laying strong curses by sticking pins into its own body." One can only wonder what kind of acupuncture-induced agony will befall Banette's previous owner should he manage to finally track them down. If they weren't already afraid of needles, they will be. Yeesh.

Grimer

With all the filth that surrounds it, I wouldn't be surprised to find Grimer lurching over an emaciated man vomiting bugs. Meanwhile, Grimer just looks and smiles, as if it's a good thing that he's transforming the world into a wasteland.

"Wherever Grimer has passed, so many germs are left behind that no plants will ever grow again."

If there are multiple Grimers in the Poke-world and THERE ARE, wouldn't that suggest large portions of the planet are inhospitable ground-zeroes? A cruel fate for Ash and Pikachu, to be sure.

Drowzee

Drowzee is already pretty freakish, what with his articulated snout and two-tone hide. but imagine a psychic anteater with a tatse for dreams.

"It remembers every dream it eats. It rarely eats the dreams of adults because children's are much tastier.

But the idea of him savoring a child's dreams makes our toes curl into tightly clenched spirals. Imagine that thing, eating a dream, rolling it around in his mouth, really sucking the juices out. All with this unsettling smirk on his face. Horrible.

Yamask

What is it with ghost types? And more importantly, why do Professor Oak and his community of academics continue to classify these human spirits as Pokémon?

“Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry."

What has happened to these dead humans to cause them to become Yamasks instead of Gengars? Were they all flayed? Just how many human beings died this way for Yamask to become a recognised species of Pokémon? Scratch that – I don't want to know.

Lampent

When you die, does your soul ascend to heaven? No. It serves as nothing more than a mid-afternoon snack for this living light fixture.

"The spirits it absorbs fuel its baleful fire. It hangs around hospitals waiting for people to pass on."

Imagine lying on your death bed, looking with dread and hatred at a lone Lampent gently hovering outside of your window. There is no great beyond. There is only the nothingness that comes after your spirit burns in Lampent's flames like dry leaves in a furnace.

Palossand

Now I know what your thinking thats a sand castle, there's no way they could make that creepy, and what resaon would they have for doing so, and That is why you don't work at the Pokemon company my friend. Because buckle up and check this madness out.

"Buried beneath the castle are masses of dried-up bones from those whose vitality it has drained."

Never judge a Pokémon by its appearance. Passoland is not a funny anthropomorphic sand castle. It is a terror that makes the beaches of the Alola region a life-sucking hellscape. Anyone who reads the Pokédex knows that the luscious shores of the franchise’s newest region aren’t a relaxation designation. They’re guerilla warzone hotspots; where the harmless looking sand castles hide beasts that are as hungry as they are deadly.

Drampa

Anyone whose ever seen the never ending story has always dreamed of being friends with a fluffy companionable luck dragon. So kids in the pokemon world would be lucky to have one. A childs best friend... or worst nightmare.

"It appers in towns and plays with childeren. Drampa will protect kids when they're in danger, so their moms don't have to worry"
"If a child it has made friends with is bullied, Drampa will find the bully's house and burn it to the ground."

Yes.. this so called placid Pokemon turns incredibly nasty if is human pals are mistreated, so now you can add death by smoke inhalation to the list of very good reasons to not be a bully.

Welcome to the untold horror of Pokemon